Unrequited love. There I said it. But before I go into why, let’s talk about the basics.
How do you know you love someone? It’s a subjective question that changes from every person you ask. It could be because they make you feel secure, because they make you feel less alone, maybe just because they make everything that much better? Perhaps you don’t even know why but you just do, you just love them; it’s 100% unconditional. Whatever it is, it’s something that you feel. It’s not rational, it can’t be measured and the worst part about it is that it’s very much something that you can’t control. Or can you?
A good friend of mine drove himself near next to mad, back to sanity, to deeply depressed then to somehow getting through the days. He at times, is insanely consumed by the love that he has, has felt and still feels for his (now) ex-boyfriend. I look at him during the times of his, what can only be described as, empty fulfilment of love; knowing that he loves someone so deeply and so desperately but knowing that it no longer exists as a mutual exchange between himself and the person he was once with; not in the way that it used to. It’s painful yet at the same time all inspiring.
The thing is, no matter how hard you try, no matter the extent of your vocabulary you can’t explain love. Looking up ‘What is love?’ I found, “Love is a powerful neurological condition like hunger or thirst, only more permanent. We talk about love being blind or unconditional, in the sense that we have no control over it. But then, that is not so surprising since love is basically chemistry”. It carries on explaining that love induces the body to release pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin. What sticks with me is that: Love. Is. Permanent.
It could be that love has played a role in human evolution and with all this chemistry and uncontrollable feelings it contributes to a natural human instinct; to communicate, to mate… to love?
Whatever love is, it’s either there or it’s not, which brings me back to my original opening: Unrequited love. Simply this is the type of love that is not precipitated; the love that is the most unconditional for the simple reason that there is no option but for it to be unconditional, a one sided love affair.
I can’t bring this into conversation without admitting that I have been in this situation. If at all it is a situation? I fell in love with a straight friend… How stupid could I have been? To be perfectly honest I describe it as a painful sense of being that haunts every minute, of everyday and every breath. It’s like sharp nails piercing your very insides and taunts your mind between the bliss of happiness and an empty loneliness. Wiki How-to do everything apparently has the answers in these few easy steps:
- Accept that romantic love isn’t usually a conscious decision.
- Eradicate any sense of neediness.
- Distance yourself.
- Enjoy being single.
- Practice unconditional love.
Is it really that easy? I wish I had the answers but all I can think to write is that unrequited love is like a break up, however you’re longing for something you never had. As painful as it may be you have to look at all of the scenarios. Though it may seem romantic, being upfront and telling the recipient of your affections may easily result in the adverse desired response. I say go with your gut, be selfless, do what is right and remove yourself from the equation. Weigh up what you have to lose over what you have to (realistically) gain. The majority of the time the answer probably lies in keeping your lips sealed and moving on.
I kept my lips sealed tight. It’s the moving on I struggled with.
Share your stories and thoughts in the comments below. Should you share the feelings you have or not, or have you been in this situation before?